People exemplify ideals–that is, all people do, at one time or another, exhibit behavior that represents the best humanity has to offer. And what might that include? Courage; compassion; unwavering devotion; perseverance; empathy; understanding; selflessness; and, humility. In the vernacular of the eternally optimistic every person has, at some time in his/her life, been perfect. Not perfect in all aspects, but perfect in their expression of one valuable, timely, and unmarred gesture of altruism toward another person or persons. We don’t always recognize these displays at the time (or sometimes not at all). After all, the most effective and inherently beautiful examples are often the least obvious or the seemingly smallest. One day I was honored with the opportunity to glimpse unmatched compassion and empathy in action–the most distinctive and perhaps the only way such qualities materialize.
The old man lay in bed, propped up on his right side, nearly catatonic from his most recent stroke. His sister-in-law Emily, the widow of a brother that had preceded the man in death by over two decades, sat in a green vinyl chair at the bedside. I hesitated at the doorway of the darkened room with a measure of vigilance born from enough experience in such situations to know that every patient is different and every family has unique circumstances and dynamics. Nothing is guaranteed and you cannot assume that you are following a paint-by-numbers formula that is effective with everyone. The best you can do is take a deep breath, say a little prayer, and dive in, hoping that your presence will be enough and that something magical and cathartic might happen if you surrender to the moment and conduct yourself with genuine sincerity, an open heart, and a few kind words. Emily’s hands, fingers misshapen from years of arthritis, were clasped across her lap, her jacket gently rippling in the cold air blasting from the buzzing air conditioner. She leaned toward the bed, furrowed brow indicating deep concentration, and studied Cliff’s frozen face. This gesture was instantly recognizable and one of the only things that you could bank on in any similar situation–the careful scrutiny of a loved one searching, usually in vain, for any sign of consciousness, something to indicate that, while the end is certainly imminent, there are still a few moments to be stolen. As I crossed the threshold, propelling myself out of my semi-distant surveillance from the relative safety of the hallway, Emily raised her head to greet me with a faint smile and warm, weary eyes. She was, by now, hours into what might optimistically be referred to as an “angel watch”–a heavy-hearted vigil marked by a potpourri of conflicted emotions including misguided and illogical hope, a sincere desire for the patient’s deliverance from suffering, and camaraderie among those present forged in the crucible of mourning, fond memories, and anticipated grief. It is in this atmosphere and these instances that I have experienced some of the most intimate moments of my professional and personal life. In a matter of hours an outsider like myself can come to be accepted as a member of the fold, equal parts fellow-sufferer and caring friend. Death is truly the great equalizer, and not just for the dying.
-Christopher