“It’s worse to live for nothing than to die for something” These are the immortal words of Rambo, or something close. However I am not sure there can be much truth in the statement because I don’t think one can live for nothing in spite of our sometime feeling of desperation and I have yet to die for something in order to compare. This is Easter Weekend for which the topic of death with a purpose is the theme and this theme has been brought to my mind this weekend in ways I had not expected. My wife has just been diagnosed with rumatoid arthritis which seems to predispose her to a life of pain. My Mother-in-law phoned in desperation of the possibility that she may die alone in her apartment in Calgary where she has lived independently for years. To add to that we got a message that a very nice young man who has been such a good renter for our suite has just committed suicide because he was worried that he couldn’t pay his taxes or some other reason following the logic that it is better to die for something than to live for nothing. The philosophical question of right to life and right to die becomes somewhat irrelevant when it comes so close to home. If and when my wife reaches a point with pain and disfigurement that she can’t bear it, it will not a theoretical situation and I will not let her go because the something she is living for far outweighs the something she might die for. The theorem that God will not allow more pain than she can bear is a faith statement that comes from my very being. Her pain is my pain and I will bear my pain to the end. On this Easter weekend we acknowledge the sacrifice of life a man made for our something. Today a man is in hospital because he interceded on behalf of a young boy who was being beaten outside a convenience store. The man is hanging on to life what glory is there in dying for a purpose if one can not acknowledge living for a purpose?
I signed a contract with my wife, “until death do us part” but with my mother-in-law? No mater what I think of my mother-in-law she is living for something whether she realizes it or not and she is my wife’s mother so she now is in our house whether we or she like it or not because dying or living alone is not what we are as humans. My wife and I have had our share of kids who we were anxious to see leave our home but we knew that they would develop other relations and maybe even gain an appreciation of interdependence of mom and dad. OK Mom grumbles a bit because her daughter phones often to ask her if she took her pills and if she is OK. Of course Mom says she’s OK even though Sherry knows she’s not but that’s what moms and kids do, they deign. Look I don’t go to the doctor because I have self-diagnosed myself, I go because my wife says I look terrible. Sherry can’t help but be a caregiver because that is who she is. Not only does she work in the field of hospital caring she keeps in close touch with our kids to make sure they take care of themselves because each one has a purpose as her kid and the caretakers of her grandkids. I guess that is a purpose enough to live for. Sherry has often said she would die if one of her kids was hurt of killed. She won’t say that about me, at least to my face but I always figured that a woman who is faithful and dedicated to her kids is someone who would be there for me as her husband. What do I know I am just a man.
This weekend Sherry got a phone call from our 19year old tennant’s family saying they can’t get in touch with him and this is totally uncharacteristic of him. Just days before that our tenant gave his notice because he could not afford to pay the rent or the taxes that were owing. My wife assured him that we would give him time to pay and since this was his first time renting a place on his own we understood. Little did we know that he might be signaling desperation. I am sure he did not want his roommate or his parents worrying either. He should have known that we worry. Yesterday his brother texted Sherry “we found Tyler, he gave up his life”. The moment he was born he had a purpose and a reason to live. When he did not turn up for the Easter family get together you better believe he was missed and he was so much more important than any dam tax man or landlord. If only we could have slapped some sense into him or given him a big hug to tell him we need him as much or more than he needs us.
Life has a purpose, we are life, you are life and I am life. That is a statement of faith and if we expect to be affirmed regularly when we forget our purpose don’t look to others to justify your existence because your expectations of yourself and their expectations will always magnify failure. Tyler was in training to be a paramedic. He was a great tenant who we liked and depended on to help us pay the bills. He was a loving son of a mom and dad and brothers and sisters who depended on him to make them who they were. I want to be independent like Tyler or my mother-in-law but I can’t help depending on them and they don’t always verbalize their appreciation for me (or I don’t hear) but they depend on me and that makes me significant. Yes it is worse to live for nothing than to die for something but the choice is not ours and for no other reason that we can at the moment discern we are not living for nothing because we were created to be something and something very important, a purpose that will never die. I may not be the best son-in-law or the best husband in the world but I am the only one. Tyler made it easy to be a good landlord and we gave Tyler his first opportunity to show him he could be independent and responsible. Tyler was not living for nothing he was living for a very important something if only he realized it. My mother-in-law does not like suffering the way she is but she is an important something in our lives and my wife is my life and will always be something of precious value to me and her family until death do us part. Thanks Rambo or whoever gave you your words of wisdom. My mother-in-law actually liked the show. The idea of dying for a cause does appeal to our sense of heroism but we don’t get a second chance if we are wrong. Lets get on with living for something and let dying take care of itself. Happy Easter.
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die for something or live for nothing.
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