by
Diane Goble
(This is a monthly column I write for my local newspaper, The Nugget, in Sisters, Oregon)
I’m poised on the leading edge of that age group in the U.S. that is increasing by 400,000 people a year. When the first of the Baby Boomers hit 75, it will swell to over a million a year. That’s only 7 years from now.
Seventy-five is about the age many of us will start to need assistance with daily living. It starts with small things– forgetting to pay bills, missing appointments, letting the dishes pile up. Once we have to stop driving, it presents us with new challenges to living on our own. We have to rely more and more on others, and that’s really hard. We become more isolated and spend more time alone sitting in front of the TV.
Just as there comes a time to stop driving, there comes a time when we really shouldn’t live alone anymore. We may be bull-headed enough to put up a fight, insisting we can manage on our own with just a little extra help, until we set the kitchen on fire or walk out the door and forget where we live.
The point I’m trying to make is that we need to be pro-active. We need to do the research, talk to family members, consult with our doctor, and put some plans in writing before the decision is out of our hands.
Let’s take a look at this booming industry out there just waiting to take care of all our needs. You might want to buy stock in assisted living corporations now if you hope to survive because now it can cost between $3,000 and $5,000 a month, $8,000 or more if you have dementia. Imagine what it will cost 7 years from now! And this is just assisted living, not nursing home care. I don’t know about you, but if I asked everybody I know to help, I wouldn’t be able to pay the first month’s rent!
So what does “assisted” mean? Assisted living is not for people who are sill playing golf or hiking the Sisters. It’s not for people who still drive or go south for the winter. And it’s not for people who need continuing medical care or have advanced dementia. It’s for people in between who are still somewhat active, but in declining health, who may need a walker or a wheelchair, who can still take care of most of their personal needs, but who need increasing assistance.
Most of us want to stay in our own homes as long as we can, even die in our own beds, but things don’t always go the way we’d like. Maybe you’re lucky enough to have children or other family members near-by who can visit you at home or who you can stay with for a while, though that can be very stressful all around and may not be a good long-term solution.
Sometimes we lose control over what happens to us and we’re forced into assisted living against our will. It could be the next step following a hospital admittance and 30-days in rehab– a broken hip, stroke, heart attack, auto accident, a fall in the bathtub. Your life changes instantly!
As I begin to think about this possibility for myself, I notice that, except for a couple of board and care homes, there is no assisted living facility in Sisters. What does that say about a community that doesn’t provide for its elders? This means a move to Bend or Redmond, and the likelihood of my children and grandchildren coming to visit me with any regularity, given their busy lives, is slim to none. That’s a lonely thought.
We may not want to go into assisted living but circumstances may force us in and it’s better to have some options for our children to evaluate if something should happen to us and they are forced to make a hasty decision on our behalf. Your preferences and choices should be included with your Advanced Healthcare Directive and other end-of-life paperwork so your family knows what you would want if you are unable to speak for yourself. And, of course, you have all that paperwork taken care of, right?
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The best gift you can give your family is to have all your paperwork together so they can carry out your end of life wishes if it becomes necessary. This workbook will help you and your loved ones have the conversations needed to make the decisions beforehand that they might be called upon to make for you in an emergency situation. Doing everything is not always the best response… and hope is not a plan.
For those who experience fear of death, this near-death experiencer describes leaving her drowning body in full consciousness, traveling through a void on a peaceful journey accompanied by an loving being of light that filled her with unconditional love, to an indescribably beautiful place where she was given a message to return with and share as widely as she could, that… we don’t die!
We are spiritual beings having human experiences and when we leave these human bodies, we continue along our spiritual journeys. We simply return home to the Source, the One, and we retain the essence of who we really are.
It has been her life work since her experience in 1971 to share this message and to teach the art of conscious dying, and now she has put her teachings into a workbook to help families talk to each other, their doctors, and their higher consciousness as they prepare to leave this phase of life and transition to the next, fully conscious.
Available everywhere – ISBN 9780963860651