The purpose of this blog is to share caregiver resources and lessons I learned during my experience. Feel free to comment and to pass them on.
Caregiver Resource #2 Personal Hints for Caregivers: Expect stress, tears, laughter and love.
Life is stressful. There is no way of avoiding it, but there are methods for handling it. When my three-year old son sat holding a can of Drano with white grains glistening on the floor, I was stress. Okay, panicked. When I learned my husband was in emergency after technically dying, my emotions were a jumble of gratitude he was still alive and fear of what was ahead for each of us Fortunately my crisis mode is dependable. I marshal all my inner strength and march step-by-step through what needs to be done. There isn’t time to collapse – that can wait.
Caregiving brings stress to a whole new prolonged level. The triggers keep changing in nature and intensity. If a person resists or “stuffs”, the effect multiplies and accumulates. Detached attachment is a positive tool. Yes, you care about your loved one, have empathy with their situation, but detachment is necessary to do your job. If someone is drowning standing on shore and throwing a life line is more positive than jumping into water, especially if you cannot swim. In the case of caregiving, you can’t survive without being firmly grounded knowing what you can and cannot do.
Frustration, sadness at watching your loved one suffer and fear are always close to the surface of your emotions. Sometimes the harder you try to help, the worse things get. It’s not your inability, it is the disease. Release from these emotions can be through tears, screaming, escaping and most constructively, letting go. Tears can be a cleansing. Screaming may be a release for you, but what about others including the patient? Escaping can be positive if it is doing something to rejuvenate yourself. I found talking with a friend, listening to an uplifting message like from Wayne Dyer or getting outdoors for a few minutes helped. Stress can even be good. For me it motivates me to take action. Learn your coping skills and employ them.
Laughter has been said to be the best medicine, and it is. Even though your loved one is in pain, funny things happen. Look for them. It might be something on television, an embarrassing incident which in retrospect is amusing or something from the past. Share these. Laugh together because for a moment the focus has changed from pain to joy.
Love. This is the greatest gift we have to give and to receive. Even if caregiving is your paid job, there is a part of you doing it out of love. The compassion you feel for your patient is a form of love. Till the last moment of my husband’s life, there was love. I have written about these times in my book and they are still so vivid it brings me to tears. Love is the answer; the main thing we give and receive from caregiving. Share it generously.
Making our journey easier by Jacklyn Brown, author of “Confessions of a Caregiver” which is available in print and Kindle form from Amazon at http://bit.ly/confessionsofacaregiverbyjacklynbrown
