Last week I sat browsing through my Facebook when I came across a post that caught my eye. And made me choke up. This wasn’t the first time I had seen a post like this. It seemed that the loss of a young adult was becoming all too familiar. The young adult lived in my community. She attended the same high school as my youngest daughter. The post said that she had been fine then fallen ill. And then without warning she did not make it. She passed away quickly. Leaving broken hearts and the question, “When death comes early how do we cope?”
Death is always the elephant in the room. We know its a given. Yet when it comes early to a young adult how do those left behind (brothers, sisters, Mom and Dad, Grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles and friends) move forward? After sitting with this most recent lose of a young adult I started thinking back to those who I have lost to early. Two of my cousins, my youngest sister, an ex-boyfriend and friends from high school. I was left with more questions and little or no grief support.
When the death of young adult happens in a school setting or the death was of a student we hear that grief counselors will be available to meet and talk with students. Grief counselors are a much needed first line of healing for those who have experienced the sudden lose of young person; however, what happens next? How many of those who experienced the loss go on to seek further therapy? I don’t know the answer to this question. I want to believe it is more but from personal experience death arrives, moves through and then those left behind are expected to pick up the pieces.
What if there was a more permanent solution to this solemn event in a young persons life? When I was a student at Seattle Community College one of the classes offered was centered around Death & Dying. Me being about anything that centers around the taboo topic signed up. The class was life changing for me. During the class quarter we visited a funeral home complete with a crematorium, had various guest speakers and wrote out our own plans for when we died. I wrote about what music I wanted played at my funeral, that I wanted to be cremated and where I wanted my ashes scattered.
I started to think what if I could offer a similar class at the local high schools in my community. My ideal class would be a forum where students could open up about their loses in non-judgmental supportive environment. I would have the students write letters for the deceased and then give them to their families. I would have them discuss what death means to them in personal and cultural words. There would be field trips and guest speakers. And I would ask them to write about their own wishes for their funerals.
In the near future I will be setting up meeting to get this process started. I believe this much needed in my community. I ask if you feel the same that you also bring it up to the school’s in your community.
I dedicate this blog to all the young adults who were taken from this earth to soon. Through terminal illness, accidents and illness. May you rest easy knowing you have left a legacy of love.