Two nights ago, I was watching the quirky and hilarious movie Trainwreck. If you haven’t seen it and have a offish sense of humor, you should check it out.
Awkward “spooning” moment in the movie Trainwreck
In the course of this funny flick, the main character’s father dies and there is a brief scene when Amy Schumer sadly sorts through his left behind treasures. To keep things moving forward to more silly antics, the story zipped past the challenges that people face when they have to make decisions about a loved ones items. I’m in several minimalist groups on Facebook and the daunting process of sorting through a deceased family members items is a common theme.
When my mom died a little over 3 years ago, I was handed down some of her items that I adore. My dad is still living, so there was no need to purge all of her items at once. They were living in a 3000+ sq ft home, so I was struck with the thought that when my father passes I could be left to find a home for all of the left over items. My mother LOVED stuff and my father has technical hobby items that involve tons of electronics/tools that I definitely don’t need. Since I like to live with only the things that I need and love, there would be very little that I would be willing to take home and make my own.
Recently my father announced that he will be getting married and selling his house. That has taken me on a mental journey that is totally surprising and created a sad place in my heart on many levels. One difficult area is watching him slowly rid the home of all that he and my mom acquired in order to move into his fiance’s house. In the grand scheme of things, it is a good thing that he is doing this now. I won’t have to do this later since he will no longer have the home. Of course that leaves me to realize that when he passes, I will likely not inherit any of his items because they will belong to his wife. (Wow, that thought just struck me as I was typing the sentence…I’ll move on and deal with that thought more later).
Though my father swiftly moved into another relationship after my mother died, I haven’t seriously dated since my divorce in 2010. At this point, it doesn’t seem that my life will ever move into a direction of finding a life long mate, so I’ve resigned myself to know that I’ll be living solo for the duration and need to plan according. As I look around my own home that houses a few thousand square feet of items that I adore, there will be a day that my three kids will need to deal with my belongings. That could come as I age and need to move into an assisted living or nursing home or in the day of my passing. (Geez…what sad thoughts! Yet if I’m lucky I’ll will life a long and full life before any of that happens.)
Keeping it moving
I’ve been thinking for a while that I need to make significant changes in my environment to lessen the items around me even further. For the past four months, I have gone through ever inch of my house riding it of all un-ncessary, un-needed or un-loved items. In the process, I’ve taken truck loads of times to the local thrift store for donation. I’m actually surprised by the amount of items that I’ve decided to get rid of, because I didn’t think I had much to begin with. As I’ve been purging, I realize that I had kept more than I ever thought from my married life and childhood. None of things truly make me happy, so why had I been keeping it? I found my teenage journal (frightening!); love letters from my ex-husband (who was that guy); my kids baby blankets (my youngest is 12); clothes from when I was 8 sizes larger (am I planning to gain weight?); my tax returns from the job I had my last year in college (completed on one page in 1995. I wish I could to that now!); the funeral program from my ex-husband’s grandfather (if my ex didn’t take it, why am I keeping it?).
Now that all of this is gone, I feel lighter and FREE! It is a bonus having peace of mind knowing that I’m taking the necessary steps today to remove the need for my kids to do this later. They are able to help now and enjoy the journey down memory road. This wouldn’t be pleasant for them after I’m gone. Plus I wouldn’t be able to answer the many questions that they’ve had about each piece before trashing or donating it.
Hopefully, I will have lots more living to do, but this will be an ongoing process to keep my personal belongings under control. Though I’ve always been thoughtful of my purchases and items that I live with; I’m now thinking even more deeply into what I’m keeping; why I need an item and if it would be easier for me to make a decision of keeping or trashing something today. I love my kids enough to try to make their lives a bit easier later. When they find themselves going through my life long goodies, I want them to be able to swiftly move forward in their own lives. The last thing that I want is to have my stuff holding them back in any way. The bonus is that I’ll be surrounded by only the things that I couldn’t live without and love. A win-win situation for me and my kiddos!
A simple and fun day with the little ones in nature