Many of us suffer from the Scarlett O’Hara syndrome – that tomorrow is another day. We depend on that – thinking if we don’t get something done – we have tomorrow. Or if we forgot to do something for a friend, or say I love you to a child, we have tomorrow. The reality is that we do not have tomorrow – we have only today. I learned this important lesson early in June when my plans were interrupted abruptly with a stroke and later the return of cancer; and at that moment “today” became more important than a hope for tomorrow.
Below is something I wrote during my time at hospice. It is about two men dying – a young man and an older man and the path that was before them…
THE SAME PATH
“Why now?” is a justifiable question when one faces a disease whose purpose is to end one’s life.
During my time at a hospice I met and talked with many patients and their loved ones. I read and typed memorial dedications written by family and friends after their loved one died. Despite what the media presents to us daily in our news, our world is filled with wonderful, loving, caring ‘ordinary’ people. These ordinary people go about quietly living their lives. There will never be a book written about them or a holiday set aside to honor their existence and yet these ordinary people came into the world with a message or a mission and went about living it. We each have been given such a responsibility. Unfortunately when we are born we do not come with an instruction manual detailing who we are and our purpose in this life. God is the Author of that we just need to be open to His guidance.
This is a story about two men I met hospice. To me it speaks of the justifiable question, “why now?”
During one of my times of visiting patients at hospice, I visited two men who were in the last stages of their disease. Death was so very close … yet, it also was so very far away. These men shared the same fate … a death that awaited them just around the bend. Their ages and circumstances differed dramatically … and one would think that their wants and needs might differ also … but surprisingly not so.
One man was young, in his late 30’s, with three young children and a wife with whom he has shared his life for fifteen years. The other man was older … in his late 70’s. He had ten children and had been married to the same wonderful woman for fifty years. Both men were struggling to leave their families.
I thought I understood the feelings of the younger man. He should have had a longer life expectancy and I suspect he was angered by the shortening of his life. I know that he wanted very much to see his young children grow old and be grandfather to their children. He wanted to live out his “golden years” with his devoted wife … but, for him, there will be no “golden years.” He talked of all the things he and his wife haven’t done for the past fifteen years. With young children to raise, the couple postponed plans and talked about “when our youngest graduates, then we can …” Then … they would have that cruise they’d talked about so many times. Then … they could take that trip to the Smoky Mountains and renew their marriage vows. Then … they would sleep in on Sunday mornings … and enjoy the quiet of the days.
None of these “thens” are going to happen. Perhaps he reconciled to the grief he felt about those future plans. But, each day, he fought to stay just a little longer … to be with his wife and kids for another day … another hour. He was saddened … because he promised his wife and children that he would always be there for them. However he was being forced to leave … not his choice … not his decision … but his fate.
And what of the man in his late 70’s? He, too, fought the same battle. He, too, fought for just one more day … one more hour. It made no difference that his children were grown. He and his wife did get to enjoy those quiet Sunday mornings … and I suspect they were able to take some special honeymoon trips. But … this made no difference … he was not ready to leave. He wanted much like the younger man to be around just a little longer.
This man’s son told him that it is all right for him to go. But … the man refused to “let go.” Life was still precious and he told his son, “I promised your mother that I would always be here for all of you.” Now, he is being forced to leave … not his choice, not his decision… but his fate.
Interesting … two men … vast difference in age and background. Yet … both on the same path. Like the disease that afflicted them, love, devotion, and promises know no age, no restrictions just the basic need to be there for their family.
Both these men taught me that life is a gift and we only have today for tomorrow does not belong to us.