No coming, no going, no after, no before. I hold you close, I release you to be free; I am in you and you are in me.
~ Thich Nhat Hanh
By the time you read this, it’ll be old news that Robin Williams committed suicide. Countless tributes and blog posts will have been written. Most of us will have reminisced about the Robin Williams movies we loved and about how tragic someone so funny, so talented, so gifted and so original could have killed himself. What a loss, we will have said. And it is.
I can’t help but be reminded of how important the work we do is. I can’t help but think of all the clients I have worked with over the years who silently cope and struggle with the same demons, trying to hide their depression or anxiety or both out of the shame they feel about having them in the first place. As if they are the only ones.
As a society, somehow we have continued to make mental health struggles shameful experiences—something that should be hidden, something we should be able to “shake off.” Going to therapy and getting medication for such ailments is still viewed by many as self-indulgent or an easy out or a last resort.
I know Robin Williams was open about his struggles, thankfully. I know we don’t all hold those self-defeating views, but I believe there is still an undercurrent of shame in our society around mental health. Even if we are people who understand “there is no shame” in mental illness, we still don’t want others to know we take an antidepressant or go to therapy or fill-in-the-blank.
I see it all the time. In my practice, in my personal life, in society: We say there’s no shame in it because it’s the politically correct thing to say, yet we hide our own struggles.
I get it. It’s personal. It’s no one’s business. But I also think we do a disservice to others and ourselves by hiding our pain. We all struggle. It’s the human condition.
It’s really simple: Mental health is as important as physical health. If we don’t take care of one, it impacts the other. I think science is finally starting to quantify this, but it’s something we therapists have known for a long time. We have to take care of both.
We all struggle. For some it may be circumstantial, while for others it may be the big “D” depression Robin Williams faced throughout his life. Facing your struggles and acknowledging them is an act of courage, of strength, not of weakness.
When will our society acknowledge that? If we can’t see facing our struggles as courageous, then we will forever hide them.
And one thing I know for sure: You hide your struggles long enough, and the struggle will overtake you.