Visiting my optometrist today, she shared the story of her mother’s death. Years earlier when she was diagnosed with cancer, she told her daughters she wanted to aggressively pursue chemotherapy – she was all about prolonging life. But, she went on to say, if it gets to the point where it is prolonging my dying instead, I hope you will help me die gracefully. When her mother did die, having survived cancer and then later succumbed to advanced Alzheimer’s, she spent her last two weeks going to bed each night asking to not wake up in the morning. My optometrist regretted not being able to hasten the end to her mother’s pain. However, she takes peace in the knowledge that when she did die, it was in the comfort of her daughter’s arms. A moment of grace for them both.
Death with Dignity is now legal in four states – Oregon (1994/97), Washington (2008), Vermont (2013) and California (2015). When my own dad was dying and expressed a desire to pursue his right to end his life on his own terms, my mother struggled with accepting his decision. She supported his right to make the decision, however, she was incredibly grateful that in the end he died without needing to use the option. By the time the Compassionate Care volunteers arrived, he was no longer lucid and died surrounded by love days later. For him, it was about not ending up in the hospital on ventilators and other life support machinery or in a state of constant pain. We were able to make sure neither of those happened.
Similar to discussions about Roe vs. Wade, Death with Dignity is more about allowing people choice that it is about stating which decision we might make for ourselves. Research shows that most people who pursue the option never use it – they state that knowing the option is available gives them peace. And when you think about it in the terms of prolonging life vs. prolonging death, perhaps it sheds a little light on why someone might want such an option.
