Wow….how scary and how glad I am that I’m cautious. I was responding to a FB post by Rick Simpson…Rick Simpson Oil, RSO, Phoenix Tears,…..and I said I only had access to the coconut oil kind….didn’t think it would work. I was then Friend requested by Rick Simpson….who messaged me and for $300 I could get 60 grams and that’s all I would need to heal myself. Are you ready to buy your oil right now? I said….well, right now I’m trying to verify that you are really Rick Simpson. What???? What do you mean he says. About that time…I realize that the friend I just now added…… did not have the check mark by his name…in other words…not the VERIFIED real guy. He then tells me I’m an idiot and I will die now. Then he ducked out and no more conversation possible. Isn’t that sweet? Scammers. Either Scammers or Feds, not sure which. Pretty sad when someone is so sick they will die…and still get taken advantage of. So, here’s my question? Do I really gotta move??? It seems the safest of all the treatments possible. It is my choice after all the research I’ve done. I guess I just answered my own question. Hmmm, the goats. How odd that the one thing in the way of my survival…is something I love so much. I can’t expect Cathy to keep caring for them. It’s a big job…Jesse either, he has a life to live and he’s not in love with the goats. Very ironic.
I truly wasn’t gonna blog yesterday, thinking that I couldn’t…shouldn’t, drag y’all down into my muck. I was ashamed of feeling so horrible…when I still have so much. It’s very heavy on me like a mohair coat….and I happen to know how heavy a 4 lb mohair coat is. But you guys all said….its normal. Normal? Really? I have so much……yet I whine. My husband was all about the money last night. Telling me I’d spent $1600 on his credit card. Not possible. Sure, I did spend some….maybe 800 but not no 1600. I paid for the hotel both nights in DC with it and groceries, since he wasn’t having to buy groceries here for me….and a few bits of clothing, cheap all…..and then the last nights hotel…which was so friggin necessary I will scream it from the rooftops. IT WAS NECESSARY. He won’t sell any cows. He won’t sell the bulldozer which has never worked and just sits. I don’t see how to proceed. I will have access to the oil….if I move or move temporarily to a specific place/state. How to do that when no financial support is available from my significant other? And to make me feel bad for what I’ve already spent. Well, you can knock off $200 for beer and cigs for those 2 weeks……since I didn’t buy em! Wait a few more weeks and my debt will be paid…but not no 1600 worth. My other option is India….where I will have an ayrevedic doctor and the meds are cheap. But still…that’s another country…..like I said…the cannabis oil is the safest idea. I will need money….to do this. The art hasn’t sold in the gallery. It feels a bit hopeless right now.
I cannot stay awake anymore. I nap now…and even then, I am still falling asleep early. It’s another rainy day. Was hoping to shear today. NOT. Some places got 7 inches, not sure how much we got but it sure rained a ton and it’s still icky out. The goats are spread out across the whole L. Most simply laying there chewing cud in their tiny little family groups. Oh…I forgot to tell you……I will be working if I move, to pay my way. How soon can I get there? I hate leaving home. More change is in store for me. Can I just say….UGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Yes. But can I also say…thankyou for whatever is put in front of me and thankyou for what is given to me to help me get through and do said thing in front of me. But let me say that one more time….UGGGGGHHHHHHH. The next best thing after those 2 things…is the intravenous Vitamin C….for a year. Where I have to go to a hospital type facility and have the stuff dripped into me….a couple times a week I believe. That’s why it’s 3rd on my list.
I’m watching Amma tv…well, the free stuff anyway….and it’s about culture around the world. We have no culture here. We are a sad big huge bunch of people who have lost all sense of who we are and where we come from. I see the high kick dancers, the people from what is most likely South America, dancing the dance of the condor. What is my inheritance? What is my dance? Maybe my dance, my gift…is to dance for others. Maybe I should quit seeking funds for myself and seek funds instead…to help the so downtrodden. But I don’t want to buy them a fish. I want to buy them a fishing pole. Maybe water filters or goats or chickens to help the families. Why are the children pouring into our borders? What do they need? How can I affect change? Cookies. Lol…yes, that word just flowed straight from my heart and onto the word processor. Thank you Mike….who said all I needed was love, a tiara and maybe a cookie!!! I dunno…maybe I’m nuts, but what if I made and sold healthy cookies? Cookies for fishing poles. Cookies for water. If I can help others, maybe I can gain the wisdom of LOVE I seek. Yes….cookies. The highest quality of chocolate, the best and healthiest flour, sugar, etc. It might not work…but it might. Cookies for Amma…..cuz we are all Amma’s children. She is the best mother and she sacrificed for us…like the best of mothers. Oh…and the orphanages!!! They need help! They need more mothers to love them. I just heard them say that at one of Amma’s orphanages, they wait and wait to see Amma…to feel love. I can give LOVE! I can go to India and give love! So can you. Maybe not forever…but what about for a bit? Maybe a cookie bit? Oh….and I just connected to the correct pronunciation of the Amma name that is my mantra. FINALLY! I feel much better. Maybe a bit silly too about the cookie idea but hey….who says I can’t??? Spirit just took me from depression…to helping others. AMEN. Ok ok…so it’s not realistic. I have a not so perfect kitchen. Well….it did get me out of my funk for the moment. I’ll figure something out.
I just watched Amma’s 50th birthday celebration, where people from 191 countries came to show support. They each brought water from their country and carried it in the procession of humanity…to the big pot that it was then put into, Amma’s being the last to be placed in…when she then blessed it. Very spiritual 4 day event. Tears well up while watching this. It’s on the Tv channel which I can’t buy, but I guess they wanted everyone to watch it, cuz it is so special. And Linda Evans…my childhood favorite movie star…bless her…was a part of it. Ok….need to nap now, at 4:43pm = 11 = Master number…4:44…hello Angels. Signing off with a bit more umpf from YeeHaw Ranch. OOOOPS….PS. I got a package in the mail. Something very very special, made just for me. 2 pendants. One made with my Ernie’s feathers photo…and the other of a guardian angel with a side braid. I am in awe. I highly encourage you to get some for yourselves. Made by my dear friend….Kathy Blue Quindoza. They will be your photos today and very perfect at that. Hehe…yes, perfect Kathy. Bless you immensely. My heart to yours….love.
