I thought I could save myself moving out here. I wish I would of moved out a long long time ago. I think I could of saved myself back then. I think things would of been different. I can’t save myself now. The damage is already done. It’s too late. I’ve been oppressed for years and I’ve known it for the past year or so. I should of left/ran far away as soon I saw it. Now, I’ve just been pushed little by little until finally I feel like I’ve fallen over the cliff. There’s no going back. There’s no fixing or saving myself. The intensity of my emotions have overflowed out of me tonight. I don’t know where is left to go or what is left to do. I’m done. I’m give out. The pain has consumed me. I’m finished. What does that feel like? Besides feeling as if my heart has been ripped out of my body, it feels like relief. I’ve been in hell. How do you get over that? How does one move forward from that? Nothing will ever be the same. I’m glad that I am alone out here. I don’t have to fake it any longer. I don’t have to please people or even talk to people for that matter. I’m free to be by myself and ache in my pain and misery. I’m exhausted. I’m done searching for whatever my next thing is. No more goals or dreams. This is it right here. I’m not sure how I keep surviving, but I do. I am no longer strong. My strength has left me. I’ve been changed and won’t ever be the same again. I see the light. It looks a lot like darkness. Why are people so mean and cruel? A little act has powerful consequences. I give up. I hate people. I’m really sad when I think of myself. I like me. I’ve overcame a lot. I have confidence. I make mistakes. I’ve finally come around to be okay, but it was too late. I’m sad that I never had the chance to be me freely. Full of life and love and laughter and hope and purpose…to be fully alive. I was devoured, destroyed, and hung out for the wolves. They tore me apart and this is what remains…nothing. I’m gone. I’m done holding on, done hoping and wishing for things to change or something good will come along. I’m letting go because it just takes too much effort for nothing. I’m sad, real deep sorrow filled. I don’t know if anything can ever take that away. It’s been a long rough journey. I’m ready to be home.
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